The ups and downs of single mommydom

Life as a single mom...is hard. All of a sudden I am the only breadwinner. I am playing the role of two parents, and I admit that I don't do a perfect job. I get frustrated and annoyed. I let him cry it out because "mommy needs to do her work" or "mommy needs to cook and clean". The house is often messy. The laundry is piling up. Sometimes I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "WHY ME?!" And it doesn't make things any easier that, at the same time, I am still trying to finish my Master's. My life is a whirlwind and at times I feel like I just am not equipped to do this.

But then Christian smiles. Or gives me a kiss. Or I will come out of my room and see him sitting there waiting patiently for me to come back. Or he will start kicking and squealing in excitement when I walk in the door. Or he will put his hands on my face and give me a huge grin and babble like he is telling me "Smile, because I love you". And I feel bolstered with energy and hope. Energy to do what needs to be done, and hope that everything will work out better than I could ever imagine. And trust me, at times I just can't imagine how I will survive.

Like right now. I have very little money to my name. Not nearly enough to even begin to cover my expenses. I am facing losing my apartment (and we all know the damage that can do later on) and my car. I have several assignments due tomorrow. I have bills that are probably past due. .But I'll be damned if I'm going to let us go down without a fight.

Right now I am stressed beyond belief. But I am also blessed beyond belief. I have family and friends who love me. I have a God who...loves me isn't even the way to describe it. He just...is. I have strength and I have dedication. Being a single mom is the most challenging role that I have ever had to play. One that I had never imagined that I would be forced to take on. But if this is what God has in store for me right now, then I'm gonna be the best single mom that I can be. And I'm going to thank Him everyday for the opportunity. Because at least I have Christian. And that is worth everything to me.

:| Four months later

Lord! I just checked my blog and my last one was when Christian was FOUR MONTHS!!!!! DAYUMMMM!!!! He is nearly 9 months old now and I have written nothing. But that doesn't mean that nothing has been happening. I like to think that I have been too busy being a mom, student, and business owner to blog much. But that's no excuse. *Sigh* I had wanted so much for this to be a great, detailed chronicle of my life as a first-time mom. But, you know...I guess this fits. I have my plate overfilling with things. Not only am I chasing around a baby (who is crawling and "walking" all over the place), but I am doing it alone (unfortunately Christian's father has left us and has been away for over a month), working hard to try to pay the bills, and still working on my Master's. Life is tough. But my baby boy makes it all worth it. :D

It's amazing to think of how much he is changed over the past few months. He is eating solids like a champ. He is crawling like crazy and learning how to walk. He is starting to talk (already he has said "Hi",  "All done", and "I did it"). He laughs all the time and loves to play and explore. He has a great personality and is just an awesome little dude. I am LOVING being a mom.


Ok...so I'm not the perfect mom. I don't make all of his baby food myself. I don't breastfeed him all day. My house is not picture perfect. But I do what needs to be done. I am a single mom. I am a stay at home mom. I am a business owner. I am a student. I sing to him, play with him, read to him, feed him, teach him, cuddle him, dress him, bathe him, and love him better than anyone. I make his baby food as often as I can. I breastfeed him 3 times a day. I hold him when he cries, hold his hands while he walks, get on the ground with him to play, zoom him through the air like a plane, make noises and faces just to make him laugh. I am his teacher, his chef, his masseuse, his playmate, his best friend, his chauffeur, his personal musician and comedian. I am Super Mom. How about you?

I Can Do It Myself!

Yesterday Christian finally held his bottle for an entire feeding. He has been working towards this point for about a month and a half. He could hold the bottle, but if it fell he wouldn't even attempt to put it back in his mouth. Well, yesterday it was like something just clicked in his mind, and he just...did it. Now he is feeding himself like a pro. :D Next on the agenda: sitting without support. WOOHOO PROGRESS!!!!

Paci...GET! IN! MY! MOUTH!

I just had the best time watching Christian trying to put the pacifier in his mouth. I held it out for him and he grabbed it. He tried to put it in his mouth but got the side of it in there instead. So he held it back away from and was looking at it and tried again. Close but no cigar. Then it was like he had a brain flash -- he grabbed it with both hands to get better control and tried again, looking at it to make sure it was in the right position aaaaaand....Success! It was the funniest and cutest thing. He was so determined to figure it out and it was amazing to see him using his brain and spatial awareness skills to do so. I love my little Einstein. :D Now to get him to be able to keep the bottle in his mouth. He can hold it, but if it falls he can't really get it back in there all the time.

Christian has teeth!!!!

Omg! Christian has been drooling excessively since...shoot, since he was a month old. Everyone told us that it was because he was teething. I would check all the time, and it would feel hard, but it never seemed like there was anything coming up. And he never seemed really fussy (except when hungry or sleepy). SO imagine my surprise when my mom called and was like, "Hey, Tiffany, I forgot to tell you. Christian has teeth" Whaaaaaat? I put my finger in his mouth and pulled them out, squealing. OHMIGOSH, CHRISTIAAAAAN!!!! YOU HAVE TEETH!

I don't know how I didn't notice. Maybe because I was so used to nothing being there whenever I did check. But there they  are -- two teeth poking through the gums at the bottom. You can't see them yet, because they are just breaking through, but they are DEFINITELY there. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! TEETH! :D My babies gonna be eating steak pretty soon. Lol! I'm excited, surprised, and wary all at the same time. I'm super excited because it's such a huge milestone. I'm surprised because he's only 4 months (though I know that it happens early for some babies). I'm wary because I don't know what this is going to mean for nursing. But I am going to stick it out for as long as I possibly can. I'm really hoping to make it to the on year mark. Wish me luck! :)

Bathtime!

This morning I did something I swore I would never be able to do -- take a bath with Christian. All by myself. I remember when Christian was first born and I had a discussion about this. I swore that I would NEVER do this because it was wayyyy too scary. What if I dropped hi? What if he slipped under the water? Well, 4.5 months down the line, I am more secure in my parenting skills. Never once did I feel as though Christian was less than perfectly secure, even when I was letting him float on his back (while I was holding him of course). He LOVED it and it was actually less unnerving than giving him a bath in his baby tub (it's much higher up than our tub so it still makes me nervous). I had fun and so did he. I don't know how often I would do that. Today was sort of an emergency situation (I was trying to take a bath and he started crying) but I'm no longer scared stiff to do it. Yayyyy progress!!! :D

Bedtime!

Christian slept in his all night. For the first time. Ever. Yayyyyy!!! I finally feel like it is the right time, although I will still steal him away to snuggle up with me some nights. I love waking up to my little man's smiles and laughter. :D

Jam Session!

Ok, so this morning I am feeling extra pumped. I got up at 6 something, got energized by listening to some Soca then Zumba'd until I felt like dropping. As could be expected, as soon as I was about to pass out, Christian woke up (which brings me to another great milestone which I will write about in a separate post). So, I turned on my music, pumped up the volume and Christian and I had a Michael Jackson jam session. :D FUN!!!!!

Dreading Wednesday

Soooo...Wednesday we will FINALLY get Christian in for his 4 month shots. He was supposed to have them on the first (when he actually turned 4 months), but I was just getting over the flu and didn't want to go infecting an office full of kids (not to mention the bf had to work and I would have had to deal with shot time all alone). We rescheduled for this past Wednesday but then we got hit by snow and the doctor's office canceled on us. Now we are trying AGAIN. Hopefully this time we make it in there. I'm so anxious for him to get his immunizations (especially since he has been sick TWICE and that absolutely broke my heart). What I'm not looking forward to are the actual shots. When he got his two month shots it was traumatizing. For both of us. For one, I am TERRIFIED of needles. Secondly, I hate seeing him in pain (even if I know it will help him in the long run). So having to hold him down while the nurse hurt him was heartbreaking. He cried so much and so hard. And she had to stick him three times. I would have passed out if I hadn't been so worried about soothing him. *Sigh* Now we have to do it all over again. Poor Christian. :(

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Dreading Wednesday

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Dreading Wednesday: "Soooo...Wednesday we will FINALLY get Christian in for his 4 month shots. He was supposed to have them on the first (when he actually turned..."

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Mama'a Big Boy

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Mama'a Big Boy: "This isn't really all that post-worthy, but I just realized today just how big Christian is. He is sooooo tall and thick. He's not fat, by a..."

Mama's Big Boy!

This isn't really all that post-worthy, but I just realized today just how big Christian is. He is sooooo tall and thick. He's not fat, by any means. But he is definitely a chubby baby. With the most kissable, pinchable cheeks. I love my little linebacker. :D I never really realize how big he has gotten until I go to the doctor for a checkup, have to buy new clothes, or until (like today) I see him next to another baby. I guess that us moms are around them so much that it's harder to see how much they have grown. I think that we tend to notice milestones more than anything else. The first non-gassy smile. Their first laugh. The first time they rolled over. People who don't see them that often are focused more on how they look.

Oh, and today was a BEAUTIFUL day, so I took Christian out to enjoy the sunshine and the cool breeze. This is the first time he has really been outside (beside running to and from the car) since November. I can't wait until Spring makes an official appearance. We will definitely be going on more outings then. :)

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian Falls! :|

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian Falls! :|: "So yesterday we had a big scare. I was getting ready to cook my part of dinner so I did what we have normally been able to do with Christian..."

Christian Falls! :|

So yesterday we had a big scare. I was getting ready to cook my part of dinner so I did what we have normally been able to do with Christian (when he isn't in his boppy or swing or having tummy time) which was to prop him up on the couch in the corner. He abhors having to lie on his back and usually makes himself vomit by trying to sit up on his own, so I try to let him sit up as much as I can. Yesterday this went horribly wrong. Because Christian also has a habit of trying to take things too far. I guess he was extra determined to grab his toes because I happened to glance up and see him trying to lean forward. His dad, Tyrell, was sitting nearby so I told him to get Christian and rearrange him.

Next thing I knew Christian is rolling forwards, HEAD FIRST towards the floor. I yelled out "OH MY GOD!" and ran to catch him, but I was too far away. Tyrell did some kind of ninja move, leaping sideways and catching Christian by the head so he could guide him to the floor. The rocking chair (which Tyrell was sitting in) fell over (with him in it) and I heard an ominous crack. Forunately this crack was not a rib, leg, or even the chair. It was a toy. Even more fortunately, Christian was completely fine. He cried for maybe 10 seconds (he was probably more startled than anything). I can't say the same for mommy. I was shaking and just sat there squeezing Christian, who began laughing and smiling. Thank God I happened to look up when I did. And thank God for Tyrell's super awesome ninja moves. :) I hope we never have to go through anything like that again. However, according to other moms, that's probably an empty dream. *sigh* Being a parent is an experience.

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian crawls!

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian crawls!: "A few days ago (February 6th to be exact) Christian (who is 18 weeks old) started crawling! Soooo funny and exciting. My mom gave him a stuf..."

Christian crawls!

A few days ago (February 6th to be exact) Christian (who is 18 weeks old) started crawling! Soooo funny and exciting. My mom gave him a stuffed cat of hers to play with (it was a gift from my little sister). He loved it so much that she let him keep it. He LOVES that cat. He is ALWAYS wrestling with it. Lol. Anyways, today he was having tummy time, and the cat was 2 or so feet away from him. I guess he really wanted it because he started doing a little scoot crawl towards it. He was very determined and got to it. Three times! The 4th time I guess he got mad at us for taking it away every time he got it so he started crying halfway there. Lol! we tried to get a video of it. Unfortunatelt the first three times we just sat there watching him all excited, so by the time we thought to get the camera, he was getting cranky. Next time, though, buddy I'm gonna getcha :)

An Exciting New Development

Soooo guys...this past 4 months with my little one have been great. I have thoroughly enjoyed having unlimited time for us to get to know each other. What hasn't been so fun is not having money to do what I want and struggling to get my bills paid. I'm used to having a sizable and (more importantly) stable cash flow and I am pretty lost without it. Actually, I hate it. I hate having to be dependent on someone else. I hate not being able to buy even the simplest of things or being unable to treat myself every once in a while. For a while now I've been looking for viable opportunities for me to work from home. I considered selling Mary Kay and I actually tried selling Avon. Fail! I just don't have what it takes to sell beauty products, Mainly because I have no interest in them. Without passion for what you do, I think it's hard to succeed. That's why I'm sooo excited about a business opportunity that a friend/former housemate of mine shared with me while I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy.

My friend told me that she was a consultant for a company called Slumber Parties that was all about enhancing relationships, educating women, and (best of all) empowering women. I was immediately interested, but did not have the startup money. Since she introduced me to the company I have done a ton of research (visiting the main website as well as the sites of numerous consultants, checking out what consultants and clients alike had to say about the company, reviewing the numerous and exciting perks and incentives, etc.) Let me tell you: I LOVE what I have seen. I have read numerous testimonials about how women have been able to quit their jobs and make MORE money with Slumber Parties. They are able to do what I dream of doing: making enough money to live comfortably without having to work a 9 to 5. I'm excited about being my own boss and being able to do things like take care of my bills, pay off my debt, and do fun, exciting things with my new family.

Ok...I just wanted to share this with you guys. I'm really, really pumped about this. Wish me luck! Better yet, become a client. :P

Live, Love, Laugh, and Love Some More (I know I will)

Tiffany

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian is 4 months old!!!!

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian is 4 months old!!!!: "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Where did the time go? My little one is not so little anymore and I'm sooo upset. The whole purpose of this blog was for m..."

Christian is 4 months old!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Where did the time go? My little one is not so little anymore and I'm sooo upset. The whole purpose of this blog was for me to be able to record all of the amazing things that happen in my life with Christian on a regular basis. You know: his first non-gas smile, his first laugh, the first time he tried solid food, the first time he rolled over, the first time he peed on Daddy (lol). All of those firsts have come and gone. I can't be TOO upset, though. I was here for them, after all. But it would have been nice to be able to look back and see exactly when they happened. Oh well...the best laid plans and all.

Anyways, today is February 1st. Which means that my beautiful bundle of spitty joy is 4 months old today. WOOHOO!!! Go Christian, GO Christian, it's your unbirthday, shake yo bootay! Lol! I'm so excited to reach this milestone, even though I am more than a bit under the weather right now. DAMN YOU FLU MONSTER! Grrrrr!!! Christian is now 26 inches and 17.4 lbs. That is a whopping 6 inches and nearly 10 lbs more than when he was born. He is now the height and weight of the average 6 month old. Big boy! And he is so much work. When he starts crawling and walking, he is going to be all over the place. But I love it! He brings me sooo much joy. His smile lights up my day in a way that I didn't think possible.

Right now we are both recovering from the flu (he is doing much better at this than I am, thank God), but he never lost his sunny disposition during the entire ordeal. Pretty soon we will both be 100% again and the fun can resume. Right now, though, he is asleep so I will take this time to do some much needed catching up on my schoolwork. Did I forget to mention that I'm a fulltime student again? Yep. I have resumed my studies at Capella University after a short hiatus to adjust to mommydom. Hopefully, around this time next year (or not TOO long afterwards), I will have my Master's in Counseling Psychology. Wooh! It has been yet another adjustment getting used to studying and taking care of Christian. Usually I have to lull him to sleep in his swing (Fisher-Price, you are a godsend) before I can make any real progress. But I'm hoping that as he gets older and is able to do more things on his own, he won't need Mommy to entertain him quite as much.

Ah well, people. Tis time for me to take advantage of the quiet and hit the books. (Must not watch South Park. Must NOT watch South Park). Hopefully I will do a better job of getting on here and documenting the awesomeness that is mommyhood. Until then...Live, Love, Laugh, and Love Some More.  :)

Tiffany, out!